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Procrastination is the act of putting things off. We all procrastinate from time to time, but for many people, procrastination becomes a destructive habit.
Why do we procrastinate?
There are several reasons people procrastinate. Here are some common ones:
You dislike the task at hand. The kind of self-talk that goes along with this: "I hate doing dishes. I'll get to the dishes when I feel like it."
Choosing to do other activities first. "I'm going to get to that project...later. But first I need to make supper." And then after supper: "I better do the dishes." And then, "I'm tired. I'll just watch TV for a few minutes..."
Fear of failure. "I can't think of anything interesting to say. I'll write that report when I think of a really great idea."
Do any of those sound familiar?
A lot of my clients have been coming in lately talking about enjoying watching the TV show Hoarders, about people who obsessively hoard stuff. I think you can't really use the word "enjoy" or even "be entertained by" reality TV. At best the German word schadenfreude might apply, which loosely translates as "secret pleasure in watching the misery of others."
Certainly the folks up to their nostrils in their accumulated things look pretty miserable. They also didn't look particularly delighted at the end of one episode I watched when the clutter was cleared away (oops-spoiled the ending). My guess is that once the TV crew pulled out, they were back cruising garage sales and resale shops to fill the emptiness of their lives.
That's some serious clutter. You're probably a rank amateur by comparison, maybe a non-cook with two food processors and a bread-maker. Possibly your clothes are spilling out of every closet, threatening to take over your living space. You might even feel like a trailblazer as you wend your way through the stacks of books and papers in your office or reach for something in your car.
If this sounds familiar, you're obviously no stranger to The World of Clutter. But clutter doesn't just eat up space. It takes a big bite out of efficiency, too. Physical clutter makes it harder to find things when you want them, forcing you to spend time and energy hunting and searching, hunting and searching.
It also leads to mental clutter, that endless loop running through your mind saying, "Don't forget to locate and return the DVD, find the credit card bill and pay it." This leaves little space for quiet thoughts or long-range plans.
If all this describes you, let's walk together down the de-cluttering path. For many people, tackling piles of papers and mountains of old toys (not to mention one closet) can be so overwhelming they never start at all.
So gather some boxes, trash bags, and labels, and let's do it. These ideas will ease the way:
Sometimes we need to step back from what occupies our minds and take a break much like touching the reset button.
Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our thoughts that we wind up going round in round in circles, finding it difficult to concentrate on things and, because we are so distracted, not really accomplishing much. There may be signals˜mental, emotional, and physical˜that tell us we need to slow down and relax. Since we are so involved in things that are external to us, however, we may easily overlook what is really going on inside of us. It is during these times that we need to step back from the things that occupy our minds and take time out to connect with our inner self, giving our minds, bodies, and spirits the time they need to reenergize and heal.
At first it may seem that by taking a break we may not be as productive as we would initially like. In reality, a healthy period of rest is something that gives us a real sense of the unlimited nature of our true potential. Spending a couple of minutes walking outside, doing a few yoga poses, meditating, or simply becoming attuned to the rising and falling of our breath enables us to let go of our worries. This act brings our focus back to the things that are truly essential for us, such as our sense of oneness with the universe and our inner peace and well-being. As we begin to get in touch with this part of ourselves, we will find that our usual everyday troubles and worries become less critical and that we not only have much more room in our lives to really reflect on the issues that mean the most to us, but we are also able bring to all the situations we encounter a much more positive and healthy outlook.
Giving ourselves respite from our daily concerns is like giving a gift to ourselves. By stepping away from the problems that seem to saturate our thoughts, we lessen the weight of our troubles and instead become more receptive to the wisdom and answers the universe has to offer us.
Sometimes we need to step back from what occupies our minds and take a break much like touching the reset button.
Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our thoughts that we wind up going round in round in circles, finding it difficult to concentrate on things and, because we are so distracted, not really accomplishing much. There may be signals˜mental, emotional, and physical˜that tell us we need to slow down and relax. Since we are so involved in things that are external to us, however, we may easily overlook what is really going on inside of us. It is during these times that we need to step back from the things that occupy our minds and take time out to connect with our inner self, giving our minds, bodies, and spirits the time they need to reenergize and heal.
At first it may seem that by taking a break we may not be as productive as we would initially like. In reality, a healthy period of rest is something that gives us a real sense of the unlimited nature of our true potential. Spending a couple of minutes walking outside, doing a few yoga poses, meditating, or simply becoming attuned to the rising and falling of our breath enables us to let go of our worries. This act brings our focus back to the things that are truly essential for us, such as our sense of oneness with the universe and our inner peace and well-being. As we begin to get in touch with this part of ourselves, we will find that our usual everyday troubles and worries become less critical and that we not only have much more room in our lives to really reflect on the issues that mean the most to us, but we are also able bring to all the situations we encounter a much more positive and healthy outlook.
Giving ourselves respite from our daily concerns is like giving a gift to ourselves. By stepping away from the problems that seem to saturate our thoughts, we lessen the weight of our troubles and instead become more receptive to the wisdom and answers the universe has to offer us.
Sometimes the strong desire to help and rescue others is actually a call to help our own deep seated pain.
Some people seem called to help others, often from very early on in their childhoods, responding to the needs of family members, strangers, or animals with a selflessness that is impressive. Often, these people appear to have very few needs of their own, and the focus of their lives is on rescuing, helping, and healing others. While there are a few people who are truly able to sustain this completely giving lifestyle, the vast majority has needs that lie beneath the surface, unmet and often unseen. In these cases, their motivation to help others may be an extension of a deep desire to heal a wounded part of themselves that is starving for the kind of love and attention they dole out to those around them on a daily basis. For any number of reasons, they are unable to give themselves the love they need and so they give it to others. This does not mean that they are not meant to be helping others, but it does mean that they would do well to turn some of that helping energy with! in.
One problem with the rescuer model is that the individual can get stuck in the role, always living in crisis mode at the expense of inner peace and personal growth. Until the person resolves their own inner dramas, they play them out in their relationships with others, drawn to those who need them and often unable to acknowledge their own needs or get them met. In the worst-case scenario, they enable the other person‚s dilemma by not knowing when to stop playing the rescuer and allow the person to figure it out on their own. However, if the rescuer finds the strength to turn within and face the needy aspects of their own psyche, he or she can become a model of empowerment and a true source of healing in the world.
Some signs that you or someone you love may need to rescue the rescuer within are inner burnout from overgiving; underlying resentment; an inability to admit to having needs of one‚s own; and an unwillingness to be vulnerable. Help comes when we allow ourselves to admit we need it, acknowledging our humanity and our wholeness by acknowledging our pain. The understanding we gain in the process will naturally inform and inspire our ability to help those in need to do the same.
True compassion recognizes that all the boundaries we perceive between ourselves and others are an illusion.
Compassion is the ability to see the deep connectedness between ourselves and others. Moreover, true compassion recognizes that all the boundaries we perceive between ourselves and others are an illusion. When we first begin to practice compassion, this very deep level of understanding may elude us, but we can have faith that if we start where we are, we will eventually feel our way toward it. We move closer to it every time we see past our own self-concern to accommodate concern for others. And, as with any skill, our compassion grows most in the presence of difficulty.
We practice small acts of compassion every day, when our loved ones are short-tempered or another driver cuts us off in traffic. We extend our forgiveness by trying to understand their point of view; we know how it is to feel stressed out or irritable. The practice of compassion becomes more difficult when we find ourselves unable to understand the actions of the person who offends us. These are the situations that ask us to look more deeply into ourselves, into parts of our psyches that we may want to deny, parts that we have repressed because society has labeled them bad or wrong. For example, acts of violence are often well beyond anything we ourselves have perpetuated, so when we are on the receiving end of such acts, we are often at a loss. This is where the real potential for growth begins, because we are called to shine a light inside ourselves and take responsibility for what we have disowned. It is at this juncture that we have the opportunity to transform from with! in.
This can seem like a very tall order, but when life presents us with circumstances that require our compassion, no matter how difficult, we can trust that we are ready. We can call upon all the light we have cultivated so far, allowing it to lead the way into the darkest parts of our own hearts, connecting us to the hearts of others in the understanding that is true compassion.
When the topic of abundance is brought up in conversation it generally comes dragging with it talk of monetary wealth, and for most this conjures up a deep seeded feeling of lack.
However, like any other area of our lives that need attention, attracting abundance means beginning with a foundation of positive thought.
Perhaps positive thought is easier to come by if we extend the term abundance to include more then just how much money is in your bank account or sitting in your wallet. In truth abundance encompasses relationships, love, opportunities, and every other aspect of life that makes you wanting more.
In order to increase the good in your life ten-fold, it is essential to first determine what beliefs you have surrounding abundance.
> Do you believe that friendships and fulfilling romantic relationships are nearly impossible to come by?
> Do you believe that earning more money is not realistic and probably won't happen in your lifetime?
> Do you believe that you will be stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of your career because that perfect job just doesn't exist?
If you answered yes to any of these questions then you are putting up a roadblock to achieving abundance. Even if you avoid complaining about your situation the universe is able to just take those feelings and create an experience that reflects exactly that. And if one area of your life is surrounded by lack then rest assured that other areas are not experiencing optimum abundance either.
Many people skirt this topic and avoid seeking abundance altogether because it brings up feelings of guilt. Underlying messages in our society tell us that it is selfish to want what others don't have access to. In reality, however, striving towards a more complete and full life centered around optimum happiness only opens the door for others to have the same. Just like with positive thought, living in squalor only perpetuates the same for others.
If you truly believe in the concept of abundance then it is easy to overcome this guilt. After all, the very term means "more then enough," so by claiming your own abundance you are also reaffirming that there is more then enough to go around.
Begin today by weeding out your feelings of lack in all areas of your life. Picture an existence full of love, wealth, and opportunities for advancement and fulfillment. No matter how unrealistic this reality may seem, believe and behave as if it is already so.
Those who cannot express negative emotions may engage in passive-aggressive behaviors that provide a means of redirecting their feelings.
Many people are taught from a young age to suppress feelings commonly regarded as negative, such as anger, resentment, fear, and sorrow. Those who cannot or will not express these emotions tend to engage in passive-aggressive behaviors that provide them with a means of redirecting their feelings. Passive aggression can take many forms: People who feel guilty saying "no"may continually break their promises because they couldn't say no when they meant it. Others will substitute snide praise for a slur to distance themselves from the intense emotions they feel. More often than not, such behavior is a cry for help uttered by those in need of compassion and gentle guidance.
When we recognize passive-aggressive patterns in the behavior of others, we should never allow ourselves to be drawn into a struggle for power. Passive aggression is most often wielded by those who feel powerless in the face of what they perceive as negative emotions because they hope to avoid confronting their true feelings. They feel they are in control because they do not display overt emotion and often cannot understand how they have alienated their peers. If someone close to us shows signs of frustration or annoyance but claims nothing is amiss, we can point out that their tone of voice or gestures are communicating a different message and invite them to confide in us. When we feel slighted by a backhanded compliment, it is important that we calmly explain how the jibe made us feel and why. And when an individual continually breaks their promises, we can help them understand that they are free to say no if they are unwilling to be of service.
As you learn to detect passive aggression, you may be surprised to see a hint of it in yourself. Coping with the natural human tendency to veil intense emotions can be as simple as reminding yourself that expressing your true feelings is healthy. The emotions typically regarded as negative will frequently be those that inspire you to change yourself and your life for the better, whereas passive-aggressive behavior is a means of avoiding change. When you deal constructively with your feelings, you can put them behind you and move forward unencumbered by unexplored emotion.
Holding onto regret is like dragging the weight of the past with us everywhere we go. It drains our energy, leaving less available for life in the present because we are constantly feeding an old issue. This attachment can cause illness the same way watering a dead plant creates decay. We know that something new and beautiful can grow in its place if we only prepare the soil and plant the right seeds. We also know that we create our lives from our thoughts, so dwelling on the past may actually recreate a situation in our lives where we are forced to make the choice again and again. We can choose to move on right now by applying what we have learned to the present and perhaps even sharing with others, transforming the energy into something that is constructive and creative for ourselves and others.
Forgiveness is the soothing balm that can heal regret. In meditation, we can imagine discussing the issue with the self of our past and offering our forgiveness for the choice. In return, we can ask for our selves' forgiveness for keeping them locked in that space of judgment for so long. We may also want to ask forgiveness from anyone else who may have been affected and perhaps offer our forgiveness. By replaying the event in our minds, we can choose a new ending using all that we now know. Imagine that you have actually gone back into the past and made this change, and then say goodbye to it. Release your former self with a hug and bring the forgiveness and love back with you to the present. Since we are usually our harshest critics, it is amazing how powerfully healing it can be to offer ourselves love.
Keeping our minds and our energy fully in the present allows us to fuel our physical and emotional healing and well-being today. This action frees our energy to create the dreams we dream for the future. By taking responsibility and action in the present, we can release our hold on the past.
We cannot recognize greatness in others unless we too posses that same quality in ourselves.
A person who is said to possess greatness stands apart from others in some way, usually by the size or originality of their vision and their ability to manifest that vision. And yet those who recognize that greatness, whether they display it themselves or not, also have greatness within them; otherwise, they could not see it in another. In many ways, the achievements of one person always belong to many people for we accomplish nothing alone in this world. People who display greatness rely upon others who are able to see as they do, to listen, encourage, and support. Without those people who recognize greatness and move in to support it, even the greatest ideas, works of art, and political movements would remain unborn.
We are all moved by greatness when we see it, and although the experience is to some degree subjective, we know the feeling of it. When we encounter it, it is as if something in us stirs, awakens, and comes forth to meet what was inside us all along. When we respond to someone else‚s greatness, we feed our own. We may feel called to dedicate ourselves to their vision, or we may be inspired to follow a path we forge ourselves. Either way, we cannot lose when we recognize that the greatness we see in others belongs also to us. Our recognition of this is a call to action that, if heeded, will inspire others to see in us the greatness they also possess. This creates a chain reaction of greatness unfolding itself endlessly into the future.
Ultimately, greatness is simply the best of what humanity has to offer. Greatness does what has not been done before and inspires the same courage that it requires. When we see it in others, we know it, and when we trust its presence in ourselves, we embody it.
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Marjorie Hope Gross, A.A.S., C.P., C.P.LC.
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